Silly, Clueless Vampire
by edwardlover2013
Summary: During Eclipse, Before Breaking Dawn. Bella and Edward have just gotten engaged and they thought life would be perfect. That was before an unwelcomed strawberry blonde vampire comes for a visit. A jealous Bella, a perfect revenge plan, and a clueless Edward. Bella OOC. One-Shot.


**Summary:** During Eclipse, Before Breaking Dawn. Bella and Edward have just gotten engaged and they thought life would be perfect. That was before an unwelcomed strawberry blonde vampire comes for a visit. A jealous Bella, a perfect revenge plan, and a clueless Edward. Bella OOC. One-Shot.

**A/N:** Hey, Guys! I know it has been a long time, but hopefully I am back and writing more soon. In the mean-time, here is a little One-shot that made me laugh while I was writing it, so hopefully it makes you guys laugh! Please Read and Review!

_**~Silly, Clueless Vampire~**_

Through the midst of everything bad possibly happening, I actually felt hopeful for a brighter tomorrow. Edward had presented me his mother's ring as a token from his family heirloom stash, but also a token of his unyielding love for me. I felt like I was on top of the world. After some negotiations, I accepted his proposal, and agreed to marry him. Even though I had my doubts, I could not regret my decision. Edward has been and will always be the one I love, and I know it is the same from him.

Sighing, I rolled over on the gigantic king sized bed, and faced the wall that was opposite of Edwards patio doors. Here I was, alone, in a huge bed surrounded by the darkness of the night. I couldn't sleep. I missed Edward. Emmett and Jasper took him out for a long hunting trip to god knows where. He has been gone for two days and I couldn't stop thinking about him. He was supposed to be home almost three hours ago, but here I lay staring at the clock that read 11:30. Emmett had called earlier saying they were on their way home, but who knows where they are now. I missed the cool feeling of his cold skin pressed up against my overheated one. I missed the feeling of being in his strong arms, protected from the evil that lurked right outside the house. Sighing again, I gave up on falling back asleep. Sitting up, I detangle myself from the covers and walk over to the balcony doors. Opening one, I circled my arms around my waist and shivered at the night time breeze. The moonlight from the full moon washes over me, lighting up the room, and the forest in front of me.

All of the sudden, cold arms ensnare my waist and pull me back into a hard body. Tensing for a second, I finally relax into the front of Edward. I could feel his cold breath washing over my overheated skin, and I feel Goosebumps rise. Turning in his embrace, I immediately bury myself into his chest, inhaling his scent. His arms tighten around me as he places his head on my shoulder.

"I missed you," I sighed into the fabric of his snug t-shirt. I felt him nod and place a feather light kiss to my pulse before pulling his head back.

"I missed you too, love," he whispered back. Pulling back, I gaze up into his butter-scotch eyes. His smile stretches out on his face as he looks down at me with love. He leans down, not thinking twice before connecting our lips. The kiss is light and sweet. Our lips move in tangent, showing each other how much we missed each other. My arms snaked up and wrapped around his neck, standing up on my tip-toes to kiss him better. His arms snake from grasping the shirt at my waist to sliding down and grasping my hips. His hold tightens, before he lifts me completely off the ground. In one quick, stealthy move, we are back on the bed, him sitting on the edge with me straddling his legs. I am shocked for a second, thinking that maybe he reevaluated his boundaries, before throwing everything I had into the kiss. The kiss went from soft and sweet to hard and quick. My hands travel from his neck to his windblown hair as I grasp on to it and tug lightly. Edward lets out an unexpected moan which turns into a slight hiss, before he moves his lips down my neck. Gasping for breath, I lean my head back and let out a breathy moan at the feeling of him leaving wet, sloppy kisses down my neck and across my collarbone. Just when I thought we were going to continue, Edward lets out a sigh and brings his head back from my chest.

"Bella…" he starts. Not wanting for him to continue, I let go of the chunks of hair I have in my hands, letting them fall to my lap.

"I know." Getting up from his lap, I stagger slightly, regaining my sense of balance. I hear a quiet snicker from Edward as he watches my clumsiness. Shooting over a death glare at him, I am greeted with a devilish smirk. Before I know it, I am back on the bed, but this time I am on my back, with him hovering over me. He leans down giving me a light kiss, before rolling over. I roll with him, placing my head on his chest and throwing a leg over his. He holds me tight, and before I know it, I fall into a deep slumber.

**~ S-C-V~**

The next morning, I wake with a start, unaware of where I got all of my energy from. Edward was still lying on his back, one hand was behind his head, and the other was curled around my torso. Using the hand that was still on his chest, I pushed myself up to a sitting position. Edward looked up at me with a curious expression.

"What has you so happy this morning?" Smiling, I leaned down a placed a light kiss on his cold, hard lips. Edward responded, clasping one hand around my waist and the other holding my face near his. We kissed lightly for a couple minutes, and just when I was about to throw my leg over his hips, his bedroom door was smashed open. Splintered shards of wood went flying, as his door fell off the hinges and onto the floor. Just then a tiny, but ferocious, pixie emerged from the dust.

"Alice! What the hell?" Edward exclaimed, looking at his ruined door. Alice shrugged and skipped over to the bed, sitting on the edge.

"It was locked, and I had something important to tell you." I fell back on the bed next to Edward, grimacing at our ruined moment.

"All you had to do was knock! That seems like a reasonable thing to do instead of knocking down his door," I laughed.

"That is a human thing and I am not a human." Alice's tinkling laughter echoed around the whole room. Grumbling, I stood up and walked over to Edward's demolished door.

"Yeah, I think we realize that now," I muttered. Just then, Esme walked up to the door, with a platter filled with breakfast.

"I brought you breakfast, dear," Esme started to say, but then her eyes zeroed on the splintered door. Her eyes locked in on Edward, whose calm face went to one of shock.

"I didn't do it! It was the pixie," Edward exclaimed with his hands held up in surrender. Everyone started laughing, except Esme, who was now glaring at Alice.

"You will buy Edward a new door, today," Esme threatened. Edward stuck his tongue out at Alice, who was now pouting. After the siblings had their mental war, Alice turned bright and cheerful again.

"Anyways, I just wanted to warn you that we will have some visitors today. They should be over around noon," Alice said as she skipped out of the room, shouting for Jasper. Esme handed me the breakfast platter with a warm smile before exiting the room. Bringing over the platter to the bed, I dug in, not realizing how hungry I was.

"So who is visiting?" I asked after swallowing a bite of eggs. Edward didn't say anything, but look the other direction. "Edward, what is it?"

"Tanya is visiting, but she is alone. No one else from the Denali clan traveled with her," he muttered, still avoiding eye contact. Not feeling any appetite anymore, I put the tray down on the floor.

"Tanya, as in the one who has a massive crush on you?" I asked knowing the answer already. Edward nodded his head, standing up and picking up the shattered door. Mulling over this info, I was now dreading this visit. From the stories I heard, Tanya was this beautiful, strawberry blonde vampire who had her eyes set on my Edward for a long time. I have not had the pleasure of meeting this vampire yet. Edward walked over and kneeled down in front of me, grabbing my hands. He smiled down at my engagement ring, twirling it around on my finger.

"I know what you are thinking, and please stop. Yes, Tanya is a beautiful person, but I have no feelings for her. She is not the one who owns my heart, and nor will she ever. But, there is this one clueless brunette who doubts my love for her." His sparkling, bronze eyes lifted up to mine. I smiled down at him, putting a hand under his chin.

"I think that there is this clueless vampire who doubts my love for him," I whispered before leaning down and kissing him.

**~S-C-V~**

I watched the grandfather clock in the main foyer room, as it ticked quietly. I was nervous and antsy about the upcoming arrival of a certain strawberry blonde vampire. One more glance at the clock, which read five minutes to noon, made me even more nervous. Edwards' arms curled tightly around my waist, holding me to his chest. We all stood in the foyer, all paired in couples, waiting. Just then, a knock was heard on the big front door. Carlisle looked at all of us with a sigh, before going over to the door and opening it.

"Hello, Tanya," Carlisle said. Pale arms wrapped around his neck, as she gave him a hug. I watched as Carlisle steeped to the side, and let Tanya saunter into the home. From the stories I heard, they had no justice on the description of Tanya. Immortality suited her. She was beautiful, with long wavy blonde hair. Her eyes were a deep honey color, and her lips were stained ruby red. She gave Rosalie a run for her money. Tanya went from one Cullen to the other, greeting them and giving hugs. When she finally reached Edward and me, she stood back for a second. I watched as her eyes narrowed on Edward's hand that was curled snugly around my waist. Shaking off whatever she was thinking, she raised her eyes to Edward.

"Edward, so good to see you," Tanya purred. She reached over and grabbed Edward in a big hug. I stepped out of the way, seeing as though Tanya didn't seem to acknowledge my presence. Edward seemed uncomfortable, but then again, his arms were curled around her waist as he hugged her back. Jealousy surged through me as I narrowed my eyes at the couple. I felt a wave of calmness rush through me, and I looked over at Jasper and Alice. Nodding at Jasper in thanks, I looked at Alice who seemed to be apologetic.

"Um, Tanya, this is my girlfriend, Bella," Edward mumbled as he pulled from Tanya and rushed over to me. Pulling out of his embrace, I looked up at him and cleared my throat. I heard small gasps from everyone, noticing Edward's mistake. Edward looked confused for a second, before his eyes went wide, finally realizing where he went wrong.

Reaching out, I shook Tanya's hand. "Hi, I'm Bella, Edwards' _fiancée,_" I corrected. Tanya smirked at me, nodding and turning back to Edward.

"So, Edward, I was hoping you wouldn't mind taking me out to go hunting. It was a long time to get here," Tanya said sweetly. Narrowing my eyes at her, I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Actually, Tanya, Bella and I were going on a da – '' Edward started to say, but I interrupted him.

"It is fine, Edward. Go ahead and get reacquainted with your old friend. That's just perfect," I said with aggravation. Turning on my heel, I stomped up the stairs and headed to the third floor. I could feel his eyes on my retreating form. With all my hope, I wished that Edward would see that I am hurt, and come running after me. But, just as I got to the third landing, I heard Tanya yell 'see you in a couple hours,' and then the front door slam shut. Collapsing on the stoop, the tears let loose. I felt as if Edward chose her over me. Somewhere I knew I was just acting jealous, but the other half of me was furious. I felt a hand on my back, and I knew it was the comfort of Esme, Alice and Rosalie.

"Bella, sweetie, I'm sure Edward was just being stupid," Esme whispered. Lifting my head up, I nodded.

"I was hoping he would see I was faking and wouldn't go with her," I sniffled. Esme smiled sadly at me, getting up and dashing down the stairs. Alice and Rosalie sat down next to me.

"Forget about it Bella, Edward is just being stupid. Though, I can't believe he called you his girlfriend, not his fiancée," Alice muttered. Shaking my head, I laughed.

"Me too," I whispered.

"Listen, they will be back in a couple hours. Let's get you all fancy and dressed up, and when they return, you will tell Edward that you want to go see a movie and have dinner," Rosalie said. Looking over at Rosalie, I was shocked to see that she was giving me a warm smile. With determination, I stood up and agreed. Alice clapped her hands, and dashed down the hallway yelling, 'Bella Barbie time.' 

**~S-C-V~**

Two hours later, I walked down the stairs in heels and a beautiful royal blue gown. Alice and Rosalie buffed, waxed and beautified every part of my body. It hurt, but in the end, it will be so worth it. Alice had the dress in the back of her closet, knowing sometime in the future I would need it. It hugged my curves well, and it made me actually feel pretty. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, without falling, I might add, Alice gave me a satchel bag that had my phone, some money and lipstick in it. She grabbed the lipstick and applied one more coat, before putting it back. Esme, Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett came from the living room and stood back.

"Damn, Bella! You look hot! You're gonna knock little Eddie right out of his shell," Emmett bellowed. Smiling at his antics, I shook my head. It was Rosalie who slapped him on the back of his head and called him a buffoon. Esme told me I was beautiful with or without the dress and makeup and told me to knock some sense into Edward. Carlisle and Jasper stood in the back, talking and smiling at me. Just then, the main door opened, and Edward walked in, followed by a laughing Tanya.

"Jeez, Edward, the way you took the mountain lion down was…" Tanya said seductively, before realizing we were all right there. I was so glad she didn't finish that sentence. Edward had a bright smile on, looking happier since he left. He looked over at me, meeting my eyes, before they washed down the entire length of my body.

"Bella, you look… you look absolutely stunning, love," Edward breathed. Smiling at him, I walked over and hooked my arm around his.

"I was thinking we could go get something to eat, and then go see a movie?" I asked. Edward looked down at me, smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Absolutely, love. Let me go take a quick shower and get into something decent and then we can go. I will be no longer than ten minutes." Edward kissed my forehead again, before he disappeared up the stairs. The rest of the Cullen's disappeared, and just when I was about to head to the kitchen, a furious Tanya appeared in front of me.

"Edward is mine, you know. We discussed it while we were hunting. He said he was sick of acting human for your sake. He wants a vampire who he can kiss and love properly. He is getting sick of having to worry about killing you with each move he does. It is probably better, though. I mean, you're human and he is a vampire. I don't even see what he sees in you. You are so dull and ugly," Tanya sneered. Her golden eyes pierced right through me. For a moment, I was scared of her. She could easily break every bone in my body with one squeeze.

"I don't believe you. Edward loves me. We are getting married soon," I said shakily. Tanya let out a boisterous laugh.

"You think he loves you? Darling, it was all an act. A vampire can't possibly love a human! He has been with me for the past couple months. Where do you think he went on all of those frequent "hunting trips?" He came to see me. So, human," Tanya spat, "I suggest you back down and leave Edward alone. I won't hesitate to kill you."

"I… No, he wouldn't do that to me," I said pretty much to myself. Tanya laughed again, circling me like I was her prey.

"Silly, clueless human," she snarled. I heard a loud growl come from the bottom of her throat, and I knew she was going to kill me. Just as she was about to spring on me, I was hoisted out of the way, before two of the Cullen's grabbed Tanya's arms. Emmett held me behind his back, in a crouching position, while Esme and Carlisle flanked him. Rosalie and Alice held onto each of Tanya's arms, restraining her. Carlisle growled at Tanya, glaring at her.

"Tanya, I suggest you leave, now," Carlisle demanded. Tanya straightened up, and shook off Alice and Rosalie. Tanya snarled again, before heading up the stairs where her stuff was in one of the guest bed rooms. Esme hugged me tightly, whispering that she was so sorry. Shaking my head, I headed up the stairs, planning on changing out of these clothes and putting on sweats and sweatshirt. My evening was ruined.

As I headed up the stairs to Edwards bedroom, I heard a crash come from somewhere in the house. I immediately thought it was Tanya destroying property on her way out. Walking down the hallway to his bedroom, I saw that Edwards' new door that Alice had replaced already was cracked open. Shoving it open, I was greeted with my worst nightmare. What Tanya told me before, I thought was just a joke to scare me. But, in front of my eyes showed me all of my insecurities. Edward and Tanya were in a heated, passionate kiss, right in front of my eyes. Tanya was straddling Edward on the bed, his shirt was flung on the floor, and his pants were unbuttoned. His bedside table was knocked to the floor, which I now registered was the loud crash I heard. Gasping, tears started to flow out of my eyes and down my cheeks. Edward turned my way, breaking the kiss, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He shoved Tanya off of him, and raced over to me.

"No, no, no, Bella, it wasn't what it looked like. Tanya, she… she attacked me!" Edward exclaimed, trying to grab my hands. Shoving him as hard as I could on his chest, which wasn't very hard to him, I shakily grabbed the engagement ring he gave me, and threw it at him.

"I hate you!" I screamed. "I trusted you, and loved you and this is what you did behind my back," I exclaimed, throwing my hands out in front of me at a smirking Tanya.

"No, Bella! I told you, she attacked me just as I was getting out of the shower! Please, love, please believe me," he pleaded. Shaking my head, I stumbled out of the room, and fell into the arms of Alice and Rosalie, who must have heard our heated exchange. Rosalie snarled at Edward, before they rushed me down the stairs and into Alice's bedroom. I could hear yelling and the slamming of the front door within the next couple minutes. Sobbing into Alice's arms, I could hear Edward banging on her bedroom door, demanding to talk to me. Just before I fell asleep, I could hear Edward sobbing tearless cries outside of the door. It hurt me and made me feel better to know that he was hurting after his mistake.

**~S-C-V~**

The next morning, I awoke with crusty eyes from crying all night. Sighing, I sat up and ran a hand through my messy, tangled hair. Everything that had happened last night came rushing back, knocking me back like a wrecking ball. I heard shuffling to my right, and looking over, I saw a nervous Alice and Rosalie staring at me.

"Bella…" Alice started, sitting on the edge of the bed. Shaking my head, I swung my legs across the bed and sat next to her. Rosalie quietly sat on the other side of me.

"I know, Alice, I know," I sighed. Looking hesitantly at the door and then back at Alice, I asked her the burning question that has been running through my mind all night. "Alice, how is he?" Alice and Rosalie shared a look, before answering.

"Bella, he is not good. He didn't leave the door until two hours ago. I think he went back to his room." Nodding, I stood up and crossed the room, laying a hand on the door handle.

"I have to go apologize to him. I overreacted a little. I know Tanya only did that to get to me, and she succeeded," I whispered. Alice walked over to me and hugged me tightly.

"I think you should at least go talk to him, but don't totally forgive him," Alice snickered slightly. Rosalie jumped up from the bed, a big smile plastered on her face.

"Yes! Alice you are a genius!" Rosalie said excitedly. Alice and Rosalie started talking excitedly, leaving me hanging. Clearing my throat, I crossed my hands over my chest and tapped my foot.

"Okay, Bella, here is the plan; you are going to go talk to Edward and get your engagement ring back. Then, you are going to come back here and we are going to go out tonight, and make Edward green with jealousy!" Alice squealed. Before I was able to object, I was pushed out of the door and towards the stairs that lead up to the third floor. I walked up the stairs quietly and made my way to the only room at the end of the hall. His door was closed, and all of the sudden, I was nervous. Do I knock? Do I just walk in?

Making up my mind, I open the door quietly and took a step in. Turning around, I shut the door. Taking a deep breath, I turn around a jump in surprise. Edward is standing in front of me with a dead look on his face. His eyes were no longer a golden bronze from his hunting trip yesterday. His eyes were now a deep black onyx color. He had on the same rumpled clothes that he had on yesterday. Staring down at the floor, unable to look him in the eyes, I started rambling.

"Edward, I know that Tanya attacked you last night to get to me, which she did. But, I am still mad because you could have easily pushed her off or at least have heard her approach you," I fumed. "But, at the same time, I know I overreacted a little bit, but I had a reason." Walking around Edward, I started pacing around the room, mumbling to myself. Just as I passed Edward again, his cold hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. He spun me around, tossing me off balance, making me crash into his hard chest. His hands cupped my face, pulling myself tighter against his hard body. There was absolutely no room between us. I could feel all of his hard ridges of his body against my soft curves. I looked, startled, up into his black eyes. Before I could register what laid behind his eyes, his cold lips crashed down onto mine. His lips moved ferociously over mine, not stopping. Just when I was going to pass out from lack of air, he moved his lips down my neck.

"Edward," I gasped, running my hands through his unruly hair. My hands ran from his hair, down his back and grasping his shirt.

"Bella, love," he whispered into my neck. Just when I thought things were going to get passionate, his frame started to shake with tearless sobs. Pulling back, I looked into his sad eyes. "I am so sorry, my love. I never meant to hurt you, please, please forgive me," he whispered.

"Edward, I do forgive you. I am just hurt. You told me right before she came that you loved me and no one else. Some of the things that she said to me scared me. I know she was lying, but still. She told me that you were never with me. That you could never love a weak, stupid human," I cried. Edward shook his head, burying his face into my neck.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I told you before that there was nothing and never will be anything that goes on between Tanya and me. The only girl I love is here in my arms," He smiled. I smiled back at him, leaning up and kissing him softly. Bringing my hand up to his face I slap him on the cheek lightly, not hurting myself. Edwards head goes with the flow turning to the side, looking back at me in fake shock.

"That was for being so clueless and stupid. How could you not see Tanya's shameless attempts to flirt with you and convince you that I was a stupid human? You really are a silly, clueless vampire," I laughed. Edward snorted lightly, shaking his head.

"Your silly, clueless vampire," he exclaimed. Leaning up, I kissed his cold lips.

"Just you wait, baby. I am still angry, though," I teased. "I hope you are ready for tonight." I walked out the door, looking back at his frozen form, smiling seductively. Edward looked confused for a second, before snapping out of it.

"What's tonight?" he yelled after my retreating form. Laughing deviously, I walked down the stairs to the room I know has a squealing best friend.

**~S-C-V~**

Alice, Rosalie and I walked side-by-side into the club that was located in Seattle. We dragged along the men, who did not like the idea of going out. Edward was still a little antsy about my comment earlier. Walking up to the bouncer, Rosalie seduced the bouncer to let us in, which in turn did not make Emmett happy. Shimmying our way into the club, we headed to the back corner and slid into a booth. Edward wrapped an arm around my shoulder, leaned in and whispered into my ear.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look right now?" Curling myself into his side, I leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"Once or twice," I whispered. Alice, Rosalie and I had dressed to the extreme for this outing. I had on the royal blue wrap dress from the disaster date that never happened. Alice and Rosalie had similar dresses, both of them looking stunning. Smiling, Edward lifted my face up to his, and placing a cold kiss on my lips.

Half an hour later, "Woman's World" by Cher came on. Still snuggled into Edwards embrace, I looked over at Alice. Alice jumped out of Jasper's arms, and started hopping up and down.

"Come on, let's dance!" Alice squealed. Sighing, I got up, followed by Rosalie. The men were grumbling about having to dance to a "girly" song. "No, you guys can sit and watch. Just us girls are going to dance," Alice said. She grabbed mine a d Rosalie's hand and dragged us to the edge of the dance floor.

"Alice, what are you doing?" I asked, feeling Edward's eyes on my back. Alice looked around for a second, before turning back to me.

"I may or may not have called for back-up," Alice laughed.

"Your back-up has arrived," a dark, masculine voice responded from behind Alice. Alice shimmied out of the way, revealing Jacob.

"Jake!" I exclaimed. I reached over and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Hey, bells," Jake laughed. "So, I hear Mr. Perfect over there who is glaring at me, made a mistake last night." Looking over at Alice, I exclaimed loudly.

"This is your idea of making Edward jealous?" They all laughed at my shocked expression. Alice nodded her head.

"It's perfect, Bella. Edward already hates Jacob, so why not make him jealous. Just dance seductively with Jake, Bella. Edward will be storming over in less than two minutes," Alice exclaimed.

"Fine," I relented. Grabbing Jacob's hand, led us to the center of the dance floor. Looking over my shoulder, I could see Edward struggling against Emmett's arm on his shoulder. Smiling, I looked up at Jake.

"I don't know what to do," I said embarrassingly. Jake smiled, taking my hand and swinging me around so my back was against his chest. He placed his hands on my hips and rocked them from side to side.

"Just follow my lead," he whispered. We danced to the end of "Woman's World" and into "Live It Up," by Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull. Less than a minute into the song, I could feel Edward's presence near me.

"Jacob, I am going to ask nicely once for you to take your hands off of my girl," Edward growled lowly. Jake immediately backed off shooting me a smirk, before walking away. Edward took his place, bringing me back against his chest.

"Was that your plan, Isabella? Make me jealous to see how you felt when Tanya was here," Edward growled in my ear. Shivering, I turned in his embrace and looked up into his face. His eyes were a darker shade of bronze, showing his anger.

"It was your sister's plan, but I thought it was perfect," I whispered back. Edward shook his head, leaning down a kissing my lips.

"I'm sorry, love," he said. Laying my head on his chest, we rocked together to a slow song.

"I am sorry, too." Reaching up on my tip-toes, I tangled my hands in his bronze hair. Looking deep into his eyes, I saw his love for me. "My silly, clueless vampire," I laughed. Edward laughed with me, placing another light kiss on my lips.

"My silly, clueless human," he echoed.

**A/N:** **That's the end! Hope you enjoyed reading it and I promise to be writing more soon!** **Please Review! :)**


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